Been receiving and reading a few posts/blogs or whatever there called and deleting them from people who not travelling are writing articles on hotels and restaurants that make it so obvious that they have never actually been inside the place. Maybe through boredom (like me) were all writing for the sake of it, but I’m sorry to say that this pisses me off worse than lockdown or stupid pointless linesmen, refs, Neanderthal stewards and the “this teams shit” know all seated behind us at Loftus Road.
THE RESTAURANT CRITICS (in general)
Eg, If your writing an article on a Michelin starred restaurant (which we have visited a few times) it pays to not always accept what the menu says on the web site as a said article described the establishments menu from many many months previous to the said date of going there, read seasonal produce as this place would never serve those vegetables or that meat at that time of year. Also a complete absence of wines or wine list was a little strange as we’ve never seen a table without wines being served or with benefit of the doubt you’re tea total, or the cheapest wine starting at £95 a bottle may just have deterred you to have half a larger. All very nice giving it full marks for everything but again we’ve never found a place completely faultless, a few have been close but generally for around £400 + for two there’s always a niggle that you can turn into a joke or turn a blind eye to. Surely the food is the most important number one reason you picked it ? not the wonderful ambiance and the decor. These are irritations, what’s actually on the plate tastes and textures, or does it all go cold before the perfect picture is taken and you’ve done the self important touch up thing. So do please try reading various food writers to get a better idea of the cooking and what your talking about, the food then the decor, service and other diners. Do read a larger selection of critics and do find Jay Rayner who is a great restaurant critic and if he finds a negative he goes for it as no one finds anything this perfect even if the waiter irons your shirt before dinner. Do more research on where the place is before describing what you think or gleaned from the internet as parking in Kensington and Chelsea or Westminster do have different parking restrictions, so no not all of central London is the same and no it’s not by a park its a square which is private gardens for residents only, ok maybe the street lights were off and it was dark so easy mistake, but I implore you to buy a Euro lottery ticket or start gambling seriously as you must be the luckiest person ever born to not get a parking ticket or be towed as pretty soon Mr Khan will start charging pedestrians who stop on the pavement for too long. Anyway enjoy wherever you eat but please don’t try to boost numbers or whatever the reward is by writing about a place that is way beyond your financial means and comprehension and don’t actually live in the area or possibly within 200 miles of it.
THE HOTEL CRITICS (in general)
Ok interesting reading but it’s clear you read Conde Nast Traveller as your go to upmarket publication. I could be very wrong but why have you started posting about hotels supposedly visited a year or so ago blowing a cool £12-14,000 whilst everything else and places visited are more backpack year out stuff or a 5* Tui package holiday. Possibly your the bloke who sat having breakfast in the Mandarin Oriental Marrakech boring the girl you were trying to impress about how these places give you free accommodation so that you can boost the bookings on your blog page, (really). Oh please give us a break. Does anyone think that the Mandarin group needs an up his own arse instagramy kid to give a review to boost bookings ?, at £1,300 a night and is one of the best hotels in the world that we’ve stayed in, funny enough never saw this kid again and the restaurant manager had no idea who he was as he was a walk in as far as he was concerned (bet he didn’t get laid after that porky) so lots of dick heads out there.
Again lots of writing about the journey to the destination, again I wonder why you are going to spend 5 grand on four days not including lunches, drinks evening meals and then travel by camel train. It might be your thing but why book luxury and travel in something that takes animals to the abattoir, sorry but your a complete weirdo. One report omitted to say that if you stay at this hotel and book a suit which we did, as the writer supposedly did, you are met from the plane and taken through the VIP line at customs so why would you pay this sort of money to queue (sort of) with the populace in a sweaty no air conditioned shed (airport) and not get the hotel limo with scented towels and cold drinks with a driver who has discovered soap, personal hygiene and clean clothes on the other side with your luggage to follow. It’s included in the price, but if you’ve arrived with the local goat herders to save a few quid I guess it’s easy to get missed. So do read the full report though I do know that some of these journalists haven’t actually visited and have just called the place for a chat and winged it. So if it’s not in a fake report you wouldn’t know.
So that’s it, I hope not all reports are taken as gospel for someone to find out what an expensive mistake they’ve made. I may moan but do say wether it’s worth it or not at the end but seeing as most places we eat or stay are very expensive though anybody who goes to these places probably wouldn’t reads this internet stuff.
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