Difficult to know where to start with this one as being desperate to get away you could call this a rush booking without the normal checking involved, ie like checking Trip Advisor and reading the reports but making the cardinal mistake of not checking where these people had actually stayed on previous trips so we had no idea of what the previous Mr & Mrs think is fantastic or expensive possibly making this one of the most luxurious or crappy hotels on the planet. This is where Trip Advisor can break down as you have no idea of people’s expectations or what they are used to and the insights of what they deem expensive, cheap or luxurious seeing their previous entries of where they’ve been is an important factor in choosing your destination.
We booked for a week knowing Malaga is on the Costa del Brit but the hotel did look quite beautiful which it is. On arrival the street is a bit grubby and looked a bit of a down market area but the hotel sits behind a high wall and gates with plenty of trees. It really is an impressive building and has been renovated extremely well. Doormen were extremely efficient as were the receptionists. Check in was fine but I really don’t need Speedy Gonzalez rattling out a complete run down of all the bars, restaurants, spa and god knows what with the opening closing times which is all forgotten a nano second later when all I want after two airports and a BA flight is a shower and a beer, what could be more impressive is if they can do this at the same speed in English.
Really can’t remember what room we booked but the blonde was not impressed, think it was a deluxe double which was not large so it was off to see what else was on offer. I have no idea why my social secretary hadn’t booked a suite in the first place It’s so much easier but at least we got to see two different suites. Good idea this turned out to be as one had a balcony with a garden view. Ok this is off to the side of the hotel and garden view it is not. I’m no green fingered Capability Brown, but a six foot square concrete area with a tree in it does not in my mind constitute a garden. While not having expectations of seeing the hanging Gardens of Babylon or herds of Wilderbeest wandering through the Serengeti this so called garden is a bit of a shall we say a let down. The suite we chose was a sea view one, no balcony but not bothered with having one or not. So first the view. Obviously the room below is possibly the Presidential suite as the balcony is large with four sun loungers. We looked out over the pool which is quite small for the size of hotel but unfortunately your eyes are drawn to the horrendous architectural apartment block overlooking the entire hotel area and according to the banner hanging from the balcony, floor 7 I think,is for sale. Anyway the room was very good, great size and nice fresh decor. Usual flat screen, mini bar and bonus coffee machine not Nespresso but Illy. Asked the maid for more coffee capsules and fresh milk which was no problem and no extra charge, also what time would you like turn down surprised us but was very welcome. Bed was comfortable and linens while not the quality of Four Seasons or Aman hotels were good. Bathroom though was incredibly narrow so don’t know why a bit more of the very large room wasn’t hived off to make it a bit more comfortable. It’s well appointed with double vanity unit and glass sliding door to the loo but the bath is also very narrow, so any woman (not being sexist here) who has child bearing hips or a bloke with a big arse and a belly may find it a little bit tight. The shower power was good but as with all these type of hotels the flimsy glass doors let the shower flood the floor also passing one another was a bit like turning into a pervert on the tube.
One other part of the view was the sea view but, they don’t tell you or show on any photos that between you and the sea is a four lane dual carriageway. No problem from the room as we couldn’t hear it with the windows shut so sleep was undisturbed and the place was quiet.
Breakfast is rather difficult to asses as due to COVID panic, service was limited to you having to queue for everything. Again staff were lovely but the whole thing is a bit like a motorway service station and so is the decor and atmosphere but the cortado coffee’s were excellent, couldn’t be bothered queuing so settled for banana and yoghurt, but like I said they were doing the best they could.
Onto the pool deck. Well we were early and had no idea of hotel guest numbers as the place seemed pretty quiet so had our choice of sun beds, not sure if there’s any poolside service but I went in search and found a pile of towels. Everything seemed fine apart from the traffic noise from the other side of the wall which was I imagine sunbathing next to the A40 at Perivale. Also loads of people started arriving the first was a bloke (parent) wheeling his baby up and down which is fine but with the whole bloody pool deck to choose from you set up next to us, really. Mate there’s over forty to choose from and you pick these not only with a baby but three other toddlers, have you not heard of Netflix or birth control. We moved. Couldn’t figure out why the small glassed off area was filling up ?, it’s the kiddies pool area but no kids it’s full of adults, that’s because people with baby’s or little kids don’t use it they use the adult pool. These were obviously seasoned guests and knew where to go for a bit of peace and quiet though when this pool area is full the screaming and shouting competes with the traffic noise from the road, nothing relaxing about this five days to go ? No way.
View back to hotel From poolAlso with having had dinner the night before and deciding it’s ok but quite basic we weren’t eating here again. The food while cooked well was a little boring and expensive for what it was as was the wine list. Staff tried really hard but it’s obvious they have never actually been to a top end restaurant nor had the management who trained them and the whole thing is just like posh food for people who eat M & S ready meals, nothing wrong in that but it’s all about what you perceive is quality and what your used to.
View Of pool and sea early morning from roomInteresting clientele here, a mix of Northern Europeans and loads of fat bald Brit body art lovers in their fifties (that includes the women as well) who obviously think that covering their outsized wobbly bits to look like a sheet of Osbourne & Little wallpaper makes them more attractive and looking at us thinking why are you here ?, don’t worry we’re thinking the same. Had a gander and a quick drink at the roof top bar. All ok but be careful as all the seats were wet from humidity and hadn’t been wiped down due to not enough waiting staff, didn’t hang around long enough to see how busy it got but was fairly comfortable at the time.
Sleeping was fine and soundproofing throughout must be excellent as never heard a thing all night.
Thanks to our girl at Amex sorting out a slightly more exclusive 5* hotel elsewhere we were gone the next day. Full marks to this hotel as they said as you don’t like here we will not charge you for the rest of the stay. Incredibly generous I thought as I was expecting at least 50% Of our booking to be charged. All in all a very mixed bag place, it is a much higher standard of hotel than many Costa holiday makers would expect and I can see why it’s been called posh and outstanding by some. For us it’s a bit off the crossbar nice rooms and service but very amateur in other respects.
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