SALISBURY RACECOURSE

NETHERHAMPTON , SALISBURY, WILTSHIRE

£23 pp entry Restaurant £80pp

Another sunny day 28c in fact and we’ve booked for a meal and to include that amazing thing lots of people do which is hand over money to a complete stranger on the outcome of a horses performance and normally receive nothing back in return, it’s called fun, really !!!, the bookies love it. It’s only 60 miles so not far and normally a stress free journey until you hit the part of the A303 that approaches Stonehenge where it changes from dual carriageway to single road and can be a complete ball ache, luckily this time it’s mid week and no school holidays, so no London type numptys disappearing to their weekend country retreats with their little Tarquins and Ruperts in the back of the Range Rover that’s so so necessary to get around with when living in Fulham. So we sailed past the Neolithic site with the blond complaining that she couldn’t get a good photo as I was as usual travelling too fast along with the cars in front and behind, it’s called traffic flow but I know my fault.

I know it’s not the racecourse but it’s not everyday you see something from the Stone Age and a small squashed bug on the windscreen.

Salisbury is only about ten miles from here and started life as an Iron Age hill fort and was originally called Sarum, then a Roman town called Sorviodunum, then along came the Anglo Saxons calling it Searoburh, ( burhs were a defensive place invented by King Alfred to repel the Vikings) and it’s been shifted ten miles here or there through the centuries. Looking at the history it looks as though I have a good case to sue for the Romans placing my ancestors into a life of slavery and then again the Norman’s from 1066 onwards, so maybe we need to erase all this from history and pretend it didn’t happen as it screws up my mental state and someone needs to pay, or at least that might cross my mind if I was a wokey leftie intelectual student or a retired Liberal Democrat, but I’m going off on a tangent so back to the races.

Races have been run here since around 1580’s obviously by the hierarchy and not your basic English plebs and is the second oldest racecourse in the country. It’s actually privately owned by various Lords, a Viscount a Major General, General whoever, various other upper class knobs and a horse trainer who’s not exactly poor either. So no change there since the 1580’s and this sort of thing is written into our constitution, in fact it’s how the country is run. Most of the buildings at the course are old and a bit knackered but most of the owners look a bit second hand regardless of their wealth but it functions. The viewing of the races is probably one of the worst to actually watch a race as the track is not an oval so the longer races actually run on a loop and you can’t see a thing unless watching the big screen opposite the main stand and if your in the cheap seats opposite the main stand you don’t even get a screen so the only bit you see is the last couple of furlongs and that’s regardless of where you are. There is a stand from the restaurant and main bar area with seating but people can stand in front of the first row which then makes all and sundry stand up so unless your at the end you don’t see a bloody thing because there’s always a total prat who doesn’t need to but stands up forcing everyone else to do the same.

Best view but you still can’t see 75% of the actual race.

The catering here has always been pretty good as they run a carvery, it works out as an expensive carvery but the guys who carve the meat always ask if you want pork and beef together or carve two huge slices and ask is that enough. The veg choice is also good from Broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, roast spuds and even swede than you can lather on the gravy from huge pots. Some characters here pile their plates to ridiculous levels as in must get my moneys worth but that’s their choice. Deserts are displayed in a glass chiller and are larger than other racecourses but are full of sugar so the cheese option is good anyway. Before the Chinese decided to infect us all they used to do an amazing afternoon tea included which was a very good selection of sandwiches piled high and an amazing selection of cakes and gateau’s, sadly that’s now gone. This days selection is no sarny’s just a plate of a dried catering pack scone with a dollop of I guess cream in it and a tea spoon of jam, a small cake thing and a profiterole covered in a really bad chocolate glaze and filled with an aerated cream, I didn’t know that profiteroles were still a thing as I haven’t seen them since the mid 1980’s. Just a little disappointment for this but we were told that they stopped it because people used to take the sandwiches home which is such a British old people thing to do. Do they come prepared with Tupperware boxes in larger handbags ?, or go out thinking oh I’ll just take that home and while your at it why not bring a thermos and drain the gravy from the urn, unbelievable.

The racing actually turned out pretty good but not good enough to contemplate retirement and the bookies like me came out even so can’t complain at that. Salisbury is a good day out even if you can’t see that much and it seems to be an older punters venue, but if your young and live here I gather you’d die of boredom as you are entering the West Country where most are already on the way out the door with little hope of returning.

I did actually have some pictures of all this but unfortunately we had something activated on our phones and iPads that duplicated to each others device so the blond being efficient looked at the photos thinking why have I got all this old shit and deleted them from everything. To be honest they probably were old shit and would have just padded this out more than my usual dribble, and seeing as I would never dream of doing this without saying “hum do you need this” it’s the main reason why I’m still breathing this morning.

POLITICS ? SOD ‘EM I’VE HAD ENOUGH

Bit of a change here as it’s not travel or food but is becoming my main pain in the arse and everyone I know’s life. I think i’m a normal thinking bloke in the street and the thought has now crossed my mind as to why the bloody hell do I bother voting for any of these bozo’s. The whole country is falling to bits with higher interest rates doing nothing but screwing everyone’s income so people strike for more money understandably as the cost of living is beyond many’s means but get a grip because they say the cost of living is due to higher food costs and energy. Problem with this is that you can’t actually go without food or energy and they say well that’s what’s causing it so the question is why ?. Ok there’s lots of conflicting stuff going on in the world but if the supermarkets say our prices are rising because of production of food, delivery, fuel prices, staff wages and dozens of other factors that they come up with how come there declaring bigger profits year on year ?. The excuse seems to be oh well our profits are only up by x% which is lower than forecast. Sorry but fuck me how much do you actually need and boy i’d love to have a business that makes a profit year on year even if it is only 1%. British Gas have just more than doubled the prices for a new business contract and the government have withdrawn any help for small outfits. Tell me why if the prices for wholesale energy has and is falling why am I expected to pay more than double. Don’t give me that old flannel that we bought and what is now being used by you cost x% more so we need to recoup that cost, sorry bollocks you’ve just posted £2.5billion profit so where’s that come from, if life’s been so difficult for you and you come out with that old headline our % of profit is down year on year, well thank you for that shitheads.
So I ask myself what are the so called leaders doing ?, I can tell you that what they’re doing and it probably equates to fuck all, as all any government seems to do is have dozens of enquiries as to why they fucked up in the first place which takes bloody years to come to a conclusion that most sensible people think no shit Sherlock within two minutes and wouldn’t have cost us untold millions of pounds for some Lord Whatsit you’ve never heard of to say well there it is end of and I stretched out to more pages than the bloody bible. So at the moment the whole political cobblers is about our ex PM, fat privileged Boris the Bozo and did he lie. For gods sake of course he did because he’s privileged and doesn’t give a shit and let’s be honest 90% of the population don’t either, just bugger off and do whatever as long as we don’t have to read about it, but no this is what’s taking up the governments time but there’s loads of this shit going on why can’t you do what you were elected to do instead of ridiculous childish persecution witch hunts. God I wish we still burnt people at the stake it’s much simpler and cheaper.

This whole scenario is going to get worse and sooner or later we’re going to end up like our buddies across the pond with some wizened old bloke who seems to think he’s Irish because of some great grand parent or whatever, well here’s some news mate, we’re all something if we can be arsed digging for it. Then there’s the other deranged old dolt Trump who is actually more dangerous but I guess that they’re only figure heads and not really allowed to do much but what do I know.
I may continue with this thread as I doubt anyone’s going to read it but it makes me feel better, I’ll wait and see what comes along as all parties make me laugh and cry at the same time.

TOM AIKENS MUSE

38 GROOM PLACE, LONDON SW1

Lunch Thursday – Saturday

10 COURSE SEASONAL TASTING MENU – £170.00 per person
6 COURSE SEASONAL TASTING MENU – £85.00 per person

For the second time this week it was a walk to the station and to my surprise the Blond actually wore a pair of shoes, ok they were flat, had been slightly used before ( probably a 5 min walk) not overly expensive just what she calls mid range Jimmy Choos, god forbid the numerous pairs with red soles actually get scratched. So the more expensive they are the more uncomfortable, being a bloke I’m not even going to try and work that one out. Again train ran well but we did have to piss off a couple of older farts who decided to use two seats for their bags, well tough move it which I did by plonking her bag on the table and making her move her fat arse over, good childish victory there.

Four times have we been here and it’s the only restaurant anywhere we’ve been in the world where every course has been superb in fact Tom Aikens is a genius, end of. We have followed him from Elystan Street and Toms kitchen in Chelsea to this incredibly small restaurant. Like all mews in central London these places were built for staff and horses ( hence the name Groom Place) who serviced the large houses probably in Belgrave Square which is now mainly Embassies but now these small houses or a two bed flat sell for north of £4.25 million plus. The area (Belgravia) was developed around 1820’s and believe it or not was a bit of a clay swamp. Before being converted to a restaurant as far as I know it was a corner shop and unless you lived here there is no way you’d have any idea it existed being tucked away off Chapel Street, I didn’t even know it existed when I worked in the area in the 1970’s to 1980.

Fascinating little mews and original cobblestones street most streets have been covered over unfortunately and the actual Muse restaurant entrance is a black door at the side not this one.

Walking in you have a very small hallway with steep stairs going up to the dining room and on the right is a room where you can have pre dinner drinks and watch some of the chefs prep the food, these guys are happy to chat with you as well while working. In fact it’s a bit like sitting in your own lounge watching the staff work, if you know what I mean.

The place is so small that some of the prep and cooking takes place on the ground floor. Third floor is the pot washing as fast as I know.

Thought the drinks cabinet was cool

Upstairs is just as small and seats I think 20 people in total and six can sit at the bar or chefs table I suppose it’s called but we always go for a table preferably at one of the sides as they are slightly larger and can seat 4, but this time we had one of the circular tables for two. We were going for the six course number until the blond saw lobster on the ten course number so there it is we were going to eat the full Monty which was no problem to me as I’ve spent the past 60 + odd years perfecting this level of gluttony. When your this close to another table the whole experience can be more interesting or your worst nightmare depending on the other punters and mostly this was moderately interesting. There were two couples at the bar area and they were really into the food and had the ten plate number and spent time talking about each plate and asking the chefs with the added bonus that Tom Aikens actually cooks and serves but these couples didn’t know each other. In one corner were a very quiet couple who had the six plate and seem mostly concerned as to wether she was going to get a birthday cake at no extra charge. Now I have no probs with people booking and saying oh it’s my birthday and hoping to get a freebie cake or being charged for it then complaining. Ok I understand that a birthday can be special to some folk but at the end of the day someone has to supply the ingredients, take time to make it, bake it, serve it and then wash that lot up why should it be a freebie, as I know there’s not a large profit in food even less at this level especially when its just two glasses of the cheapest white. Not knocking them but get a grip on life.

Took this after the two couples had left.

Could of had this table as usual but a strange couple of females had it.

So onto the other couple of females sitting next to us looking so out of place but then that’s just our opinion. We had a or the blond had a glass of champagne and me a Californian Chardonnay heavily oaked and pretending to be a Puligny Montrachet but pleasant all the same. I ordered a Chambolle Musigny Vieille Vignes from Frederic Magnien pricey but very good but that’s the restaurants level so suck it up or don’t drink and awaited the first course. The whole menu is based around the chefs life growing up in Norfolk on the east coast of England which is incredibly flat and they all have webbed feet. All the products are locally sourced and totally natural and yes you can tell the difference. The first course was a selection of lightly pickled veg assortment but the pickling was so light you still had the flavour of each vegetable plus there was a small ratatouille in a very thin delicate pastry case. In fact this whole menu got so complex that neither of us could remember exactly what each explanation was but the flavours were just amazing so I took photos of the menu but it really doesn’t explain how good it was, also I’m not putting photos on as the food always looks ok but not great unless it’s professional photos.

Like I said this doesn’t tell you a lot apart from main ingredients.

All plates were served up looking great and even though they do slap a few dots of stuff around the plate for the usual artistic license at least they tasted of something and in some cases the flavours were really intense meaning the reductions or whatever were seriously time and energy consuming. I did go for the extra dish (I did mention my skills in gluttony earlier) which was an enormous scallop pan fried to perfection with an amazing lemon foam which with the sweetness of the scallop was mind blowing, the blond missed this as it’s not one of her favourite things how that is possible I have no idea.

While we were chomping our way through all this and chatting with the staff and Tom we unfortunately could her the two women next to us. They looked to be in their thirties and didn’t look like the normal punters you’d find in a place like this so take that how you will. Hearing them we both thought why are you here, each course explanation seemed to be a foreign language to them and what to us was normal ingredients to them was an alien concept that was probably grown on Mars for all they knew. Both had the 6 course menu and each course was inspected like what the hell is this and actually lifting stuff up on the plate to see what’s under it. It’s food for Christ sake there’s no jack in the box under it and unfortunately for us no IED device which would have shut them up from saying repeatedly what’s this. Neither enjoyed it but it ticked off the Instagram thingy or whatever social media trash made them come here without actually checking on the type or style of food, so off they toddled probably to the nearest KFC outlet which I guess is that classy area (not) by Paddington train station.

We think this place is amazing and I had a quick butchers at my favourite Crap Advisor sight and a couple of people don’t like it and that’s fair enough we all have different tastes and likes but seeing where else you’ve been and liked there wasn’t actually anywhere you’ve been that we would go or probably enjoy as much as you did so yep were all subjective but at least get a proper comparison.

Found this on the internet the original corner store. No idea who took it

NEWBURY RACECOURSE, HENNESSY RESTAURANT

£169.00 per head not including drinks.

We’ve been here many a time and to keep returning both of us really need our heads examining because for the last few years it’s been what can only be described as a total rip off or to put it plainly absolute shite, but seeing as they’ve apparently spent £1.5 mill on a revamp for some crazy reason we thought “oh yeah what a great idea let’s go back” and blow a few hundred quid on what is usually a pretty inedible meal. The actual racecourse is actually really good and in a really good location with its own train station and only 20 minutes from Reading main line with the added bonus of having an old farts railcard saves 20% of the journey so return tickets for two old codgers is only £13.20 thus enabling us to have a few shandy’s and not drive. So for the ridiculous amount of £338.00 minus £44.00 entrance and £8.00 for the race cards the dining experience is £286. Now I know no one is actually twisting my arm to go it’s all about choice but consider that tomorrow we’re going to Tom Aikens Muse restaurant and he’s one of the best chefs in the country with Michelin stars and accolades everywhere and 10 course lunch menu for the grand sum of £340.00 per couple so then I must consider my sanity.

We decided on going by train because the lefty self abusers were not going to be on strike or doing whatever they do when not complaining about crap working conditions and train drivers only getting £65,000 per annum basic and having to work some weekends because they didn’t actually realise that when they took the job trains actually run at weekends, plus the fact that there all sitting in their cabs with 10 A* passes and a couple of degrees in fine art, politics, and other assorted bollocks ( not exactly true as you can be as thick as pig shit) driving a train is more valuable than being a nurse or junior doctor or at least it’s not in my opinion. Going by public transport does have its own problems though the main one being which pair of shoes can be worn to walk for 20 mins to the station. In our house this is a major problem especially when the collective cost of women’s designer shoes in a dedicated wardrobe is greater than any African countries third world debt and all are not designed for walking in, so it’s default to Ugg boots but which of the collection to wear when it’s 22 Celsius. All went fine with the journey, train on time, clean and not packed so a few seats to choose from and the usual bloke in the carriage mining his left nostril as if he’s the only person here, what possesses these people ?.

The glass box stand where we are situated actually looks good and the views are.

We made our way through the usual crowd except for some little skinny camp lad in his shorts who seemed to barge in front of us at the entrance, ticket collection and going onwards to get our tickets scanned as he just minced around pissing other people off as well totally oblivious to anything but having his head to far up his own arse. No idea what his problem was but it’s the usual three strikes and your out with the blond stopping me from grabbing his shoulder and asking what his problem was, true it wasn’t worth the air space. So on to the £1.5 mill refit, new carpet couple of private booths which means you are totally disconnected from the actual proceedings as you see everything from a TV so you might as well be at home, new seats and that’s about it, the contractors really saw this lot coming. The place was half full but now that the prices have gone up I wasn’t surprised and the majority were still corporate jolly parties with no interest in horse racing at all, same old same old with all sport events now and it’s where the money is.

This company outfit didn’t watch a single race

Don’t be fooled. It really is all fur coat no knickers

The menu seems to have been what it always was so we had a Harold and Hilda same choice as we knew this was the safe bet. Ham Hock to start with some pickled veggies, and safe it was as it’s the standard slice from the same suppliers that most of these Jockey Club venues use with a couple of small white pickled onions and a floret of pickled cauliflower all good if you like your vinegary stuff powerful. As for the bread well that still looks like it’s suffering from anemia or someone forgot to actually cook it but this time it’s coated in black seeds which is not a good look if on a first and last date if you smile looking like your teeth are covered in squashed dead flies. The roasted (water bathed) lamb was ok but the braised shoulder bit was as dry as a roll of loo paper, it sure what the splashed on the side of the plate was but it did say charred leek purée but who knows, the carrot was a carrot and not really sure why you would have a honey blossom jus with lamb but then again let’s just call it gravy. Cheese selection was fine and we were informed that there was no bread left, no big deal as I imagine they had to throw it out as it was so bad.

The racing was actually good and I did spend time down at the parade ring, why I have no idea as it doesn’t seem to increase my chance of picking a winner but I do enjoy having a bet and usually we come out a little up or break even so between us we do ok. It’s the start of the season so many races include 2 year olds having their first or second race and having race horses and speaking to the jockeys they really have no idea what there getting on as some of the nags are all over the place when running or miss the break when the stalls are open so it’s always worth looking at a couple of outsiders as the odds are better than putting money on a favourite and this paid of in two races as a 150/1 shot came third equating to 30/1 and a 40/1 in the second race making it 8/1. Unfortunately neither of us backed said nags but have made a note of them for future races.

Vape 5/1 2nd so money back

Captain Kane 6/1 3rd, again lost nothing

These guys make all the money

It’s a great day out and you really don’t need to spend this sort of money as long as you don’t want to eat, have a seat and a table and somewhere to leave your drinks and like I said it was our choice and we knew the meal wasn’t going to be anything to write home about so what we paid for was comfort, service and a bottle of Bollinger, plus the racing was great fun and the weather was perfect.

Racecourse view from our table

D’VALES BAY BAR & RESTAURANT

CORRALEJO, FUERTEVENTURA, CANARY ISLANDS

This had been an empty building for a year or so and used to be a pretty bad tacky cheap looking bar over two floors and though the location was excellent on the sea front we knew that some local Herbert was asking in the region of £1 million for the property, so when we saw it being refurbished I couldn’t believe someone had paid that but it’s been bought by a wealthy local so I can guarantee he didn’t pay that, but even so this place has got to go some to recoup what’s been spent on it. After many years coming here and our best friends being locals we know that it’s impossible to break into the market here especially with prime locations as it’s owned and driven by one or two families that can shut out any outsider with better ideas than their own and we have enquired over the years when new units have been built and have received prices comparable to rents in Knightsbridge and Mayfair and if any outsider has been daft enough to think it will work we have seen everything fail within a season or two then become the usual cheap rack them and stack them places. Our first sojourn here was for a drink and the top floor is a cocktail bar accessed by a side entrance with a nicely designed staircase. At the bottom of this was a sculpture of a sea turtle encrusted in pieces of glass something like a Swarovski crystal copy but this caught the eye of the Magpie I married as if it sparkles she’s interested. I can’t really complain about this as it’s my fault for working in Jeddah for 5 years and being surrounded by overkill bling and if we had stayed in Saudi any longer I’m sure we would have ended up with gold door handles and sparkly cushions or anything that glitters so close shave avoided there.

The all sparkling sea turtle and a blond with a Spaniard.

The cocktail bar is done very nicely but again for here that’s not difficult. Four of us were sitting happily with our drinks when the place was accosted with a loud look at me surfing dude in his thirties who then started on his roll ups and bottles of Corona. The design of the bar has many design flaws but looks good in photos which with youngsters living through Instagram is probably all that matters and even though smoking is banned indoors this place is fairly open so is classed as outdoors. Which brings to mind peoples lack of manners in not asking do you mind if I smoke, to which my answer is do you mind if I fart, you pick out which is the worst to put up with I think well at least a farts not going to kill you in the long run and at least you can have a giggle over it. Fault number one is that the sea facing side is only glassed up to head height and so is part of each side. The roof is open and is closed by a retractable fabric canopy, all excellent in the summer or let’s say for eight months here, the rest of the time it’s going to be chilly in the evenings and windy plus when it rains your going to be totally screwed especially if your with a blond who when wet looks like a wild Woolley sheep. The other problem is that the surf dudes dad owns it so his mates are always knocking around and he does mix a few cocktails working behind the bar but most of its for his mates so not sure you can call that work but at least he’s having a ball. The cocktails are actually good from a not overly long list and they do take a while to mix them but the young lad who served and mixed ours was very nice and cheerful and didn’t take the piss out of serving some old codgers. Prices were good can’t remember how much but at least we didn’t go ouch.

Bar area

Open roof but nice evening

View over harbour

We decided to give the restaurant a shot as they did have some very good wines displayed in a cabinet but I would be concerned on how they had been transported and how they were stored before ending up here as the last thing you want is to order a Cristal champagne for €300 and find it’s shot to bits and then argue with someone who has never actually tried anything better than a Friexenet bottle of cava trying to explain the ins and outs of buggered wine. The menu was pretty standard as all the other places in Corralejo but worded slightly differently. We started with a sharing plate of Jamon Ibérico which was good quality not Cinco Jota but still good served with Pan Tumaka which was a new one on me but is basically Pan Catalan which is bread rubbed with garlic and covered in a fresh tomato purée, one of my favourites, followed by a plate of Burrata with pesto which was fine. So we started with absolutely nothing that the kitchen needed to actually cook which can be a god send on this island regardless of what others say and that’s my opinion. Us two blokes had solomillo medium rare which came with Pimiento Padrón really good small green peppers fried in olive oil and sprinkled with coarse ground salt all fine but the potatoes translated on to the plate as bloody chips which seems to fascinate most Brits, I have no idea why a fried potato is so popular or why my fellow countrymen consume these in vast quantities I mean the UK needs therapy with the amount of theses things they consume. The girls played safe as well ordering Costilla de Res, beef ribs cooked in the oven or braised but they didn’t get chips they got Parmentier potatoes so a bit more interesting than chips. We washed this all down with a couple of bottles of our favourite Ribera del Duero, Pago de Capellanes which was only €35 per bottle.

Inside of restaurant which is way beyond anything else in Corralejo

The majority of other dinners and there wasn’t that many were actually locals or Spaniards on a weekend break from the mainland and I have read on that advisor site from other Brits that the food while good is expensive ?. Well that again depends on what you’re used to and it’s also mentioned by some that it’s wonderful food. To us that translated to it was ok nothing special and very similar to a lot that are here but it is a nice place to sit in and I guess you pay a little extra for that and the service was very pleasant and efficient but not expensive. We will return here next time we visit our friends as it was comfortable compared to others and the views are excellent over the bay.

Cristal & DP. Storage ?

Same thought with these classics

View of bay and port.